5/25/12 Friday Cherie’s truck is breaking down again. 2 weeks ago the radiator blew and on the way to work she called because something is squealing. I suspect it may be a wheel bearing as it has been shaking lately. At first I figured that was because a wheel is out of balance or perhaps a shock absorber going bad. Now I am not so sure. Will have to run to her work with all my tools and see if I can figure it out. All of our vehicles have over 200,000 miles on them and are in bad shape. At least Cherie made it to her work safely. I had a good time at the local jail yesterday. Got to talk to the two trustees, whom I have developed a relationship with. Then was able to speak with two others back in the jail area and feel it was a significant meeting for one of them. He poured his heart out about his inability to get free from the drugs and lifestyle that goes with it, and about his concern for his family. He understands that he has a big influence on them and unfortunately that influence has not been for the good. He will be out of jail shortly so I offered to spend time teaching a bible study at his house when he is released. That idea was received positively but we will see what happens when he gets out. Meantime we struggle to make ends meet. The work on the farm goes slow as my physical ability has limits and the one hundred plus degree heat hasn’t made it any easier. There are lots of melon plants growing and some of the cantaloupe already has fruit on it. The corn is doing surprisingly well despite my not putting any fertilizer on it. This last rain gave it a big boost. So we have hope but it is all a long way down the road. The job securing homes and performing maintenance on them is not working out well. Their accounting department is tasked with looking for any reason not to pay or to pay less than normal and every invoice I send has been cut, sometimes dramatically. There are several lawn mowing jobs to do in connection with that but our mower seems to be wearing out. It is burning lots of oil suddenly, not a good sign. I have another mower but it does not have a grass catcher on it. The grass catcher is important as I use it to recover clippings that I use for compost, and now I use it to harvest the rye grain.

Here you can see me slowly pouring out the clippings from the grain in the wind. This allows the wind to blow the chaff and straw away and most of the seeds fall into the wheelbarrow. When I mow about half the seeds are knocked out of the heads and fall to the ground and the rest end up in the grass catcher. I will disc the land over and thus replant the grain for another crop, should we get rain. There is so much to do and so little of me to do it. Gotta go work on Cherie’s truck now.

Paranoid? or understanding the signs of the times

5/22/12 Tuesday Been out working on the farm, continuing to bury the hundreds of yards of drip irrigation line by hand. Yesterday I planted most of the Israeli cantaloupe seeds that are left over from 2 years ago. Hope that at least one of them comes up and makes fruit so I can have seeds for next year. As I shovel dirt over the lines and carefully expose the drippers that are set every six feet or so I pray and think. Lots of thinking as I ponder the world situations, the unsettled times that seem to lay ahead for not only this country but the world as well. I tried to talk about that to one of my Kairos brothers and he literally put his hands over his ears and kept saying “I don’t want to hear you, I don’t want to hear you”. Come to find out his father had been very much taken by so many of the conspiracy theories of his day, things like the trilateral commission and Illuminati, so my words were equated with that kind of paranoid thinking. The reality is that there are many organized groups that have existed for centuries and some that are rather recent in their formation. All of them exist around various ideals and philosophies and most have a desire to make their particular train of thought dominant in the world. Some are religious, such as Christianity and Islam, and some are political, ranging from democracy to socialism, but all of them are convinced that their way of thinking is the right one. And in these groups one finds varying levels of commitment to an ideal, from those willing to die or kill for that ideal to those who sit around and just talk and try to impress others with their “intellectual” prowess. There are within these spheres of thought a variety of organized groups that have definite plans to overcome all the others with their particular ideal. I find it wise to know and understand these groups, to discern their activities and comprehend how they will affect my life and the world around me. It is not paranoid thinking to do this, it is opening my eyes and seeing what is happening. There is no question that a worldwide economic collapse is eminent and in fact the United States government is preparing for that event, though they are doing so rather quietly and trying to fly under the radar so to speak. I know of many others who are preparing for this time of turmoil as well. It is not an “if” regarding such an event, but “When”. Many of these groups I spoke of are also aware of this impending time of turmoil and some are in fact working to hasten it’s arrival, because they plan to use it as the time to force their way of thinking on the rest of the world. My personal ideal is that I believe in Jesus Christ, that He is the Son of God, came to earth and died on purpose, so that all who believe would not perish but have eternal life. Unfortunately, throughout history, there have been many who used the Christian religion to conquer and gain power over others, and in their misguided zeal, killed those who refused to believe their way. They had, and have (for there are still many around who act this way) it all wrong. Jesus preached we should love our neighbor as we love ourselves, that we should be servants and submit to authority, and ultimately be willing to die for the other persons good. It is about peace, love, and looking out for our fellow humans. Plus there is the moral component. To not lie, steal, kill, or commit adultery, are just a few of the ten commandments. All of that requires self-discipline and personal sacrifice. Unfortunately some of the other groups out there are not so considerate of others and often are quite willing to kill and conquer in order to force their ideal on the rest of us. It is coming folks, and coming soon. I suspect we will see all hell break loose right around the November presidential election.

5/14/12 Monday 2:13 – It just started raining. I am thankful for the rain but it meant I had to quit planting the tomato plants we bought and come inside. There is so much to do and so little of me to do it. It is frustrating (there is that word again) to see how much hasn’t been done and then needs to be done. One of these days God will grant us the ability to have some help on this farm. Till then I will press forward the best I can. It was interesting to see the comment anonymous left on this blog yesterday. It is the same old stuff someone has been saying since we were removed from that little church in Stanton, therefore it is obvious this comes from someone related to that church. I wonder what I wrote yesterday that spurred them to once again leave a comment. Was it the “Do you really believe?” statement? They also commented “You say the end times are coming” as their opening statement. It is sad to watch how people dance around the truth they don’t like. 5/16/12 Wednesday Time flies when you work hard. I stay out on the farm till it gets too dark to see. Finally got the tomatoes and peppers planted. Today I am trying to plow. I think it is called “list” plowing but really don’t know. This is a time I wish I knew some farmers close by who could give me some basic pointers. I am struggling with these plow blades. Dirt builds up and stalls the tractor so I just brought it in and lowered the blades so there is more room between the blades and that horizontal boom that holds them. Is that right? Don’t have a clue. I also do not know what angle these blades should be at. Right now I have the point slightly lower than the rest but all I am doing is guessing at it. The boom is not level because those arms that come from the tractor to hold them are not level. There seems to be a way to screw them up and down but when I tried the threads seem frozen, probably rusted in place. It is my hope to plant blackeyed peas where I am plowing but I am not sure if that will happen. Still have lots of watermelon to plant and drip irrigation to install. The wheat I planted is ready to harvest. Naturally this reminds me of the words of Jesus when He said “The fields are golden and ready to harvest. Pray to the Lord that He provide workers” (Bob paraphrase) So I will be harvesting by hand because that’s the only option I have here.

5/8/12 Tuesday Praise the Lord, we got rain. It came late last night and looks to be maybe a half inch at a guess. Don’t know because the rain gauge we bought was plastic and didn’t last a month under this West Texas sun. It was enough to leave a small puddle at the end of the drive. I hope to get on the tractor today and take advantage of the ground being wet. Will disc up just about everything. Need to buy some more diesel for the tractor to do it. Fortunately Cherie gets paid today. I am not working for the friend in Odessa because this farm has been untouched at this most vital of times for farming, spring. It is a tough decision to make as we desperately need the money to pay bills but if I don’t plant there is no hope for a future harvest, so I will trust in God to help us. I have managed to get one of the hundred yard rows we installed drip irrigation in planted with watermelon seeds. That job we started the company for ended up burning most of our week up last week, with me running around trying to fix loose ends with the dim hope we would be paid for even a small portion of the jobs we did. What a disappointment that turned into. We invested a thousand dollars of money we didn’t have to spare along with hundreds of miles and weeks’ worth of hours for what looked like a great business opportunity we could grow a company with. My frustrations continue. I am frustrated with Christians who choose to look down on me, I am frustrated with being surrounded by opportunities I am unable to reach out and grab, I am frustrated by so many things as I watch the world falling headlong into destruction. And few seem to even be aware of how close the end of life as they know it is. America is fed a diet of empty entertainment that keeps them distracted from what is happening right in front of them. With that my sense of urgency to prepare, to build a farm that is self-sustaining and able to feed others, increases, along with the message God put in my heart for the churches and those who call themselves followers of Christ. John the Baptist was such a prophet, crying “Make straight the way of the Lord” and preaching a gospel of repentance. In no way to I compare myself to him, but the message is the same. Do you really believe in God??? REALLY??? Do you really believe that one day you will stand before God and will be judged??? So many have been told a fairy tale that there is no accountability, that if they “Got saved” then everything is fixed and they can do anything they want without fear. That is not what the bible says. That is the “tickle your ears” message that is popular, because it doesn’t challenge or threaten anyone’s faith. The cold hard fact is that we will be judged on what we do, or do not, do. You see what you really believe is proved by the life you lead. You can say what you want but what you do shows the truth of what you believe. I gotta go farm now. As I write the Spirit of God stirs in my heart. Remember folks, I was dead and now am alive. Literally dead, growing cold and on the way to the morgue. In Luke 16 Jesus told the story of a rich man and Lazarus, where he said “Even if someone rose from the dead they will not believe”. What I know for sure, from great personal experience, is that God is and God is a rewarder of those who do good. You may question that looking at our life and how rough it has been but my reward will come when I stand before the judgment seat of Christ. Bye now.

5/6/12 Sunday I finally got to work a full day on the farm Friday. Hallelujah. Yesterday I went to the Smith prison unit for what we call an “Instructional” Kairos day. We traditionally hold these a week or so after a 4 day Kairos event and it is the start of preparing the guys for a life with Christ. We teach them to confide with each other, a hard thing for someone in prison to do, for trust is often seen as a weakness. Unlike some ministries, that come and then vanish away with no support for those whom they touched, we understand the importance of a long term relationship and work to maintain that. We realize that each life we touch now becomes a responsibility and that God will hold us accountable for that. The time at prison took much longer than I thought it would. Sure, I’ve been doing this for going on three years now but this is an example of the memory loss problems I have. I know I have done several of these instructional events but could not tell you much about it. I had planned on doing some work for that company we got caught up with, securing homes for financial institutions, but by the time I got out of the prison at 4:00 or so, I was worn out. Came home and pretty much wiped out. Today I hope to get some watermelon planted. Finally got 2 thirds of the drip irrigation in for it. Then I must finish out some work for that company we are stuck with and plan on running to Big Spring. There I will inspect a home for Chinese drywall and take pictures of the grass that isn’t there. I have to do this because they don’t trust me when I tell them that with no rain nothing has grown. It is going on 3 months we have worked for this company and we finally got paid $130 Friday. They have a whole department who’s duty apparently is to look for any excuse not to pay their vendors. I am tired of it but we would like to at least get our initial investment of over a thousand dollars back before we call it quits. That’s it. Will be another hot day so need to get to work before it hits close to a hundred degrees. Bye now.

dumbest smart person

4/30/12 Monday So much to do, so much to write about, but so little time. We spent 4 days at the Lynaugh prison Kairos event and it was both wonderful and troubling. I must think carefully regarding what I write about. I decided to not return to work in Odessa, and choose instead to work on the farm that has languished while I helped someone else make a lot of money. It will be hard work as the tiller no longer works well so I must do by hand what was once done with machine. As I write I am contemplating discing up the areas that are overrun with weeds, using my tractor. If I do this I destroy all the drip irrigation tape that was so carefully laid in the ground before. It may actually be easier and quicker to do this and reinstall new drip tape. I have a new roll of tape purchased last year, but we are out of the fittings to put them together and have tight funds so buying new fittings is a challenge. How frustrating this is, to be unable to grasp what we need to succeed, to have it just out of arms reach. During the Kairos event there were unfortunate times where my memory loss problems were openly displayed. I try to hide these events of memory loss but also let others know it exists with the hope of understanding. Understanding seems to not be easily grasped by some. Here on the farm I was elated to find garlic springing up in January but then forgot it existed and never watered it. Happened to remember this while at Kairos so went out to look this morning. It is all dead and gone now. It is frustrating to be highly intelligent yet unable to remember and follow through on so many things. I am the smartest dumb person or dumbest smart person you will ever meet. God has made me where I need others to help, but everyone is busy. It will be hot and humid, humid being a rare thing here, so I want to work outside before it gets too nasty. There is plenty to do inside as we had three dogs locked in for four days while we were at the Kairos event, so I will do that later when it gets hot. .

Disheartened by being so far behind

4/25/12 Wednesday 12:16 – Just came in from working on the drip irrigation. It is disheartening to see how far behind I am. With that are many conflicting thoughts. I am behind because I chose to help a friend, when he asked. Helping him also allowed me to earn money needed to pay bills so with the sacrifice there came a benefit. But the cost in regards to getting this farm going are high. The predicted high is 102 degrees and it seems that we are already approaching that temperature now. The sticker grass is in full swing and is already making lots of those thorny stickers we despise so much. Another thing I haven’t been able to keep up with. There is a motorized sprayer I bought two or three years ago, that has never been taken out of the box, that I remembered existed so unpacked it this morning. I bought some stuff that will specifically kill sticker grass a few years back that I hope to use with the sprayer to kill as much of this sticker grass as I can. Tomorrow I head out for the Lynaugh prison, where we will conduct another 4 day Kairos event. When we get back Jim expects me to come back to work for him. I am wondering if that would be wise now. Do I continue to sacrifice our dream for a future to help someone put money in his pocket, who really doesn’t need it, and has exhibited a definite lack of holding much esteem for who I am. I was able to visit with the guys at the jail yesterday. Had debated whether or not to go but while praying about it sensed it was important so dropped by when I picked up the mail. One of the guys is heading back to prison and another is getting out. A third had been going through all kinds of internal struggles regarding his faith in God and the situations he is dealing with. I taught about the last days, that I believe are upon us, and about the reality we will all stand before God as our judge, and answer for what we have and have not done. This is a reality that so many who wear that “I’m a Christian” badge seem to be blithely blind about. Part of that stems from this concept that all our sins are forgotten about so they feel that there will be no accountability required for what they have done. This is one of the many false doctrines that has permeated much of the Christian world and has been eagerly accepted by those who want an easy faith with little responsibility and no sacrifice. I rely on the words of Jesus, who is God and will be the judge. He said “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.” Can it be any clearer? Just a few sentences later Jesus said “Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. 22 Many will say to Me in that day, 'Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?' 23 And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!” What is the will of our Father? To love Him with all your heart, strength, and soul, and to love your neighbor like yourself. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you have it made, instead examine yourself carefully and closely. Even Paul, who wrote so much of our new testament, didn’t take his salvation for granted. He said “Remember that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize. You also must run in such a way that you will win. 25 All athletes practice strict self-control. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. 26 So I run straight to the goal with purpose in every step. I am not like a boxer who misses his punches. 27 I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.” (1 Corinthians 9:24) There are so many I fear for, so many who seem blind to the road they are on, and blind to their hypocrisy. I am not the judge but I am the servant of God and desire to help all rise up to a higher standard. This is part of why God put me here on earth, why He raised me from the dead, to proclaim the truth where I can, to bring life out of death. Time to get back to work in the heat

To bring life out of death

4/23/12 Monday I don’t have much time to write but must. Kairos was, as always, a wonder. How torn I am by my desire to help others change their lives, to bring life where there is death, versus the need to work and pay bills. Many of the guys at the prison kept asking when I would come back to the class I had been helping teach on Mondays, and many others expressed how they had been helped by my few words and how they missed me coming to the prison. Each one of them brought more pain and anguish to my heart as a feeling of responsibility and guilt for not meeting that responsibility rose up inside. The same holds true at the small little jail Stanton has, where I was able to visit with the guys last week. What I understand, what I know clearly in my heart, is that how much money I make isn’t important to God at all. What is important to God is the people of the world, whom He loved so much He sent His son to die for, so that they can have eternal life. When I stand before God, and before Jesus, who will be our judge, I will be called into account for how I treated those whom He loves so dearly. Did I judge them? Did I shun away from those I wasn’t comfortable with? Did I let others continue in a path that will bring destruction without at least trying to warn them? Or did I reach out, give of what I had, whether money or time, and show them the Love of God! It’s pretty clear to me, and has been since I woke from that coma. That is part of what it says on that plaque I carved while recovering. “Money and things can vanish in a flash. What has lasting value is the lives we touch”. If I could I would give my life for others, but I find myself constrained to doing other things in order to pay bills and provide for my wife. I have a home that needs much work. The cesspool my grandfather built 50 years ago is falling apart, with the railroad ties he used to make the walls rotting away and the steel roof panels to cover the top rusting into pieces. Soon we won’t be able to flush the toilet and already we see evidence of the drains not working well. The farm lies unworked and unplanted as I work for another man to help him make money. We have great dreams and a vision for this farm, that are seemingly unattainable, at least with the resources we have. My vision entails a place that employs others, who are disadvantaged, and provides food and shelter for those in need. It is to create a haven should the world fall apart, a place that is self-sufficient, but even if hard times do not come a business enterprise that is profitable and beneficial to all around.

Regardless, I am unable to accomplish this or much else by myself. God, in His wisdom, has made me dependent on others to function. How frustrating this is. I hold in my hands the key to eternal life, as every Christian does, and so want to spend my days sharing that. But meantime there are responsibilities to meet and work to do. So I must get going this morning. I need to buy a half inch drill bit to fix our brush hog mower that goes behind the tractor. While in town I will fill the four empty five gallon water bottles so we have clean water to drink and cook with at home. I hope to also buy some valves so I can continue installing the drip irrigation we hope to use to grow watermelons. On Thursday I leave for another Kairos event, this time in Fort Stockton. That will keep us busy till Sunday again. After that I must return to the job in Odessa. So I have three days to work on the farm. It’s not enough but I’ll do the best I can. I got the brush hog working and it held up to mowing a good part of the weeds we have. Took almost an hour to get the rusty nut off the bolt that holds the rear wheel on the mower. Had to take it off so I could adjust the height up higher. Finally got to giving the dogs a tick bath. Ticks are bad this year for sure. Perhaps I will be able to bug bomb the front part of the house tomorrow. I am tired and pretty sore tonight. Tomorrow will be the last day I have before it’s time to head out for the Kairos at a prison in Fort Stockton. There is so much to do that I doubt I will get to it all. I hope to visit the guys in the Stanton jail and to finish mowing weeds at Mary’s house. Then there is drip irrigation to work on and a house in Big Spring we need to secure for the job we have for banks and realtors. Nodding off to sleep as I write so probably should get some shut eye.

Blinded by fun

4/20/12 Friday It’s the first full day of another Kairos. Yesterday we had a busy morning getting an oil pipeline marked and then meeting with Texas Department of Assistive and Rehabilitation Services about a business plan. Then it was a rush to get to Lamesa for the initial kick off of the Kairos event. There are so many lives we see, that have been terribly disrupted by drugs, abuse, and a wide range of circumstances. One of the reasons I participate is I had taken so many wrong turns with my life that I can certainly relate with many of these men. The possibility that through my words or influence lives can be pointed in a direction that will permanently change them for a greater good. The reality is that I cannot change a life by myself but the simple act of pointing them to God opens the door for God to work miracles. There was no internet access at the house I stayed at for this Kairos. The owner of the house goes by the name "stretch", if I remember that right. He had a couch for me to sleep on but I was longer than the couch and it was too soft and cushy so I opted to sleep on the floor. He had a nice thick carpet so it wasn't bad. When he expressed concern for my comfort I explained that I had spent years sleeping on prison beds of many kinds and had wandered homeless with only a blanket to protect me on whatever stretch of ground I found to sleep on so the floor was great. Plus having broken my back and neck so many times a hard firm surface is much less painful than his soft couch would have been. We didn't get many chances to talk but when we did it was good conversation for sure. This is a man who has been very much involved in things of God, perhaps even a pastor but I am not sure. Every chance I get I talk to others about the days to come, about how things in this world seem to be so rapidly changing and heading for an ultimate and scary series of events. Many of those I talk with see the signs of the times, though to varying degrees. Few of them are informed or aware of what our government, and our president, has been doing. Most walk in the darkness provided, distracted by all the nonsense our media and world feeds us, with little thought given to the future in store. So many are occupied with making their money, with building their little kingdoms, and with filling their days with mindless entertainment that when those hard times come they will be totally surprised.

Time is burning

This area should be full of tomato and pepper plants, but lays unready to even plant

4/18/12 Wednesday
This is going to be a busy day for sure. Tomorrow I head to Lamesa for 4 days of prison ministry and there is much that needs to be taken care of before I go. So much has been neglected because I have been busy working for a friend. He came to me in February and said “I need some help” so I dropped everything to do so. I didn’t exactly drop everything but it sure slowed things down. I asked for Friday’s off and that gave me three days a week to attend to farm, home, and ministry to others. Ministry to others takes a higher priority in my mind that taking care of my own stuff so much has suffered because of that.

Under this is drip irrigation going to waste as I do not have what it takes to clear it by hand.

These pictures will show so much that hasn’t been done. Many areas of the farm should have already been cleared and planted but sit with weeds growing. The fact that our tiller seems to have burned a valve and will no longer work puts a big damper on things. Clearing and tilling by hand is hard and slow work that brings with it extremely high pain levels.

I managed to get corn planted in this area though it's hard to see. Trying to use the old cultivator I got from one of the widows we help turned into a disaster. I have spent much time over the last 2 years installing underground drip irrigation tape and since that time the wind has blown away much of the soil so I ended up cutting and pulling up much of the tape. I repaired what I could but ran out of repair parts and we don’t have the funds to get more right now.

A high priority for me is to get the cantaloupe and watermelons planted, as we hope to finally make a profit on something we grow. So I spent hours and hours building these mounds to plant on. They had been built last year but the wind has blown away all that I did. In fact many of the water lines I had buried underground now lay stretched out above the ground. It takes me ten to fifteen minutes to make each one of these mounds so that works out to four of five an hour. I have hundreds to make.

The drip irrigation I hoped to have finished and planted for the watermelons remains unfinished. What a disappointment it is for me to see this stuff laying there undone. It is frustrating but a sacrifice I chose to make for one of my brothers in Christ. I will get it done, eventually. Part of my frustration is I am helping this brother to put about six figures of income in his pocket and he’s too cheap to buy work gloves for me to use. It has cost me several pairs of jeans and T-shirts that have had holes burned into them from welding and grinding on his project, and we can’t really afford to buy new clothes. But that’s ok, I remind myself that whatever I do I do for the Lord and when I get to heaven I will have my reward. When I get done with the two weeks of prison ministry and go back to work for him I will take a $6.00 pack of new gloves I bought for use on my farm and give them to him.

We are unsure of what will happen with the RV park. In a conversation with the brother, who said he would help back the project, he said “I’m one hundred percent invested in my other projects” indicating he had no funds to spare. I must email him and get a clarification on that for we have worked hard towards that dream and it would not be good to have the water well drilled only to find we can’t pay the guy.

Here you can see tubing that was once underground now exposed by the wind. There are also the vestiges of what once were nice tall mounds we planted with cantaloup. You can also see the white from salt deposits left by the well water.




Just got off the phone with the company that has a pipeline running across our land. Come to find out this pipeline has been in place for 35 years. It’s a crude oil line and he informed me that we can’t build anything within 20 feet of either side of it. He will come out tomorrow and mark the line clearly as well as help me understand the rules and laws concerning this stuff.

So as I write time is burning. There is so much I want to say but each minute on this computer is another minute I am not working on the farm. I hope to be able to mow a widows property today but we will see. I was able to go visit the Stanton jail yesterday and spend some time with the prisoners there. For that I am grateful. Ministering to those guys is another thing I sacrificed to help the friend and that bothers me.

The struggle continues

4/11/12 Wednesday – 4/16/12 Monday
So much on my mind these days, as I watch the world fall apart and the fast progression of insidious schemes designed to overthrow. Meantime I watch the church continue to blind it’s eyes and not speak up as people focus on their personal kingdoms and wealth. This morning’s scripture reading included a statement Jesus made in John 13. A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another

It is this most basic, most central theme of the Christian faith, that is the most lacking in the church. Oh, they will say “We love!” but the reality of their actions reveal the truth. They love when it is convenient, when others are watching, and for a display, but when it comes to making any kind of real sacrifice, when it costs them something, that all seems to disappear. It’s easy to love the lovable but Jesus asks we love those who are not so easy to love. And real love, the kind that chooses for the highest good of the other person over what is good for you, means you give something up. The church that kicked us out talks about love and will tell you to your face that they show love, but not one of them sat down and talked with us. Now the pastor hides her face whenever she sees one of us. Cherie has seen her several times at the post office and she will study carefully the mail she has, keeping her eyes down, or start up and drive quickly away. This hypocrisy breaks our heart for we know the world sees and despises Christianity because of it. Plus we know that we (including me) will all stand before the judgment seat of Christ and have to answer for what we do and don’t do.

We are surrounded by people of means, who are very comfortable and have plenty. Yet we struggle to survive in the midst of this wealth. Meantime I continue to sacrifice to help others, giving of my time while my farm lies unplanted, but choosing to do what I know is best for others. I cut a tree off of a widow’s house yesterday and when she asked what I wanted her to pay I told her “you can pay me what you want. If money is short don’t pay me anything. I am happy and grateful that I was able to help you. That is my reward”. While cutting the tree two young men came by and asked what that job was worth, for they had been asked to cut a tree of the same size down by a neighbor. I let them know what a professional would charge and then told them about the love God has for them and of how God had raised me from the dead. That was worth more than a thousand trees.

I went to Kairos prison ministry training Saturday and one of the men there told me he saw “great sadness” in my eyes. He was perceptive for sure. There is a great sadness in my eyes as they see so much that others seem blind to. There is a new song I heard on the Christian radio that talks of how many in church are busy pointing their fingers and judging others, more worried about looking for faults in others than about those around who have needs, whether spiritual or material. It is the same kind of self-righteous religiosity that motivated the Pharisees and religious leaders to kill Jesus. In fact most of the prophets of old were killed or persecuted, and the same still goes on today. A true prophet presents the standards of God, and in that the sin and error of those around are exposed. With that comes jealousy, envy, and anger. If someone, who claims to be a prophet, (there are a growing number of them these days as it is a popular part of some segments of Christianity) always says what is pleasing to your ear, beware! That is a sure sign of a false prophet. A root of all this is pride and the desire to have others look up and admire you.

I wrote another email to the pastor that kicked me out, always reaching out with the hope that she will repent and thus escape the judgment of God, but I fear she chooses to not recognize or acknowledge any fault in her. Here is a story about a little church I am familiar with. The pastor came to one of its wealthier members and cried “we don’t have enough funds to help those in need, because people aren’t tithing like they should”. It was evident that she was appealing to this man for more money and presenting the “need” to help and minister to others in need. Soon after that we saw this church asphalting their parking lot, a not too cheap project. How clearly this illustrates the error in mind that exists in so many churches. I know of a pastor who told me that if the church parking lot was full of Cadillac’s more people would come. The same mentality exists when you think that a paved parking lot will attract people to church.

Jesus was clear about how to grow a church, reach out to the lost, not the rich per se. Have a true compassion for those in need. To truly love your neighbor as yourself means to look at them and understand that without a saving faith in God they are doomed, and do not have eternal life in heaven to look forward to. And then to act based on that, to reach out to them, make a personal sacrifice of your time and effort, to care enough to do something.

“Do you really believe?” is a question I want to ask so many who wear that Christian label proudly on their chest. “Really?” because I can’t see it in your actions. Read what the early church was like right after Jesus died on the cross. This is found in Acts chapter 4:32 And the congregation of those who believed were of one heart and soul ; and not one of them claimed that anything belonging to him was his own, but all things were common property to them. 33 And with great power the apostles were giving testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and abundant grace was upon them all. 34 For there was not a needy person among them, for all who were owners of land or houses would sell them and bring the proceeds of the sales 35 and lay them at the apostles' feet, and they would be distributed to each as any had need.

You see, when you really believe, and understand that this time on earth is like a job application for eternity in heaven, when you really believe that you WILL stand before the judgment seat and give account for what you did, THEN others needs are more important than your own, THEN doing what is pleasing to God is more important than just taking care of yourself, THEN you understand who you are and learn to be a servant, to humble yourself and work to build up others. Until that happens in your heart all your religion is empty and worthless.

This is a warning to take heed of. Jesus will be the judge on that day. Why? Because He lived here on earth in a human body, because He endured all the temptations we all have, and because He died so that we can have life. Listen carefully to what Jesus, who will be your judge, says. First in Mathew 7:13 - "Enter through the narrow gate ; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. 14 "For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.

It’s not easy folks, the easy way is the wrong path. Be careful for there are many who go to church but will not be found acceptable. Just a few paragraphs down Jesus said “Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. 22 "Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles ?' 23 "And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS.'

Did you catch that? These are people doing things in the name of Jesus, they are “Good Christians”, at least in their own minds, but are not. Sure they are doing things, good Christian things, but their hearts are poisoned. So many do things to be seen by others, to impress those around with how holy they are, but not because of real compassion and love. It is not what you do that is important, but why you do it.

I will leave you with the words Jesus spoke in Mathew chapter 25 and hope that you will understand and take to heart what He said. "But when the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the angels with Him, then He will sit on His glorious throne. 32 "All the nations will be gathered before Him; and He will separate them from one another, as the shepherd separates the sheep from the goats ; 33 and He will put the sheep on His right, and the goats on the left. 34 "Then the King will say to those on His right, 'Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 35 'For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat ; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink ; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; 36 naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.' 37 "Then the righteous will answer Him, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink ? 38 'And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? 39 'When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?' 40 "The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.' 41 "Then He will also say to those on His left, 'Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels ; 42 for I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat ; I was thirsty, and you gave Me nothing to drink ; 43 I was a stranger, and you did not invite Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me.' 44 "Then they themselves also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?' 45 "Then He will answer them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.' 46 "These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life."

We will all be judged on how we treat those around us. These are the words of Jesus, the son of God, before whom we will all stand and answer. Remember, Jesus said, “To the extent that you did, or did not, do it to one of the LEAST of mine, you did it to me”. In Jesus’s eye, how we treat others is how we treat Him.

I have taken 2 weeks off of work so I can attend two Kairos events in two different prisons. This will cause great hardship financially but working for my friend, who came and said “I need help” has put me almost three months behind on my farm. Weeds are growing wild, drip irrigation is not installed, and crops have not been planted, so I have made a great sacrifice to help a friend and dearly hope to catch up on those three days a week I have available to work on the farm. But I will still spend time to help the widows we have been honored to serve, for this is pleasing to God. Remember me in your prayers as I strive to accomplish so much.

Too dark to see

4/4/12 Wednesday
As I opened this journal, the last words I wrote stuck out to me “Till it gets too dark to see”. My thoughts are heavy this morning as I watch the gathering gloom in the world around us, and even here locally with many we meet. On the news there is little news, but a presentation of ideas and views that are diametrically opposed to all that we hold dear as servants of God. As the views are espoused there comes with them the concept that if you don’t agree or accept the worlds view, there is something wrong with you. There is the Miss Universe pageant entry who was born a male but had a sex change operation so, after some publicity, the pageant has changed their rules, to “Keep up with modern thinking”.

There is so much I see, for I see with eyes that are different now. When I woke from that coma the whole world was new, as if I was a baby just born into the world. In the eleven years since I woke up much has returned regarding my memory but that fresh outlook still remains. I watch people who have money cling to what they have, guarding it carefully so no one else can get it. Their money has become their God, the idol they worship, but they are blind to that in themselves. There is a self-deception that is common in this, as they surround themselves with others who also diligently guard their riches and each pats the other on the back as they complement themselves for all the great charitable work they do. I have watched as those who have money develop the fear or attitude that everyone who is not as well off as they are after their money. This is often true but not always, but it sets up a defensiveness and distrust in their minds.

Today was a high pain day. Worked for Jim at his milling machine and that is like washing dishes for me. There was little heavy lifting but standing there and having to stoop slightly to observe my work is what hurts the most. Yesterday was similar so by the time I get home I am shuffling along carefully.

Went out to find the string attachment for our weed wacker and couldn’t. Nuts, I know it is somewhere but don’t have a clue where. Of course I can’t remember what I did with it so searched high and low in the garage. No luck but it sure brought out some frustration. My garage is like a picture of my life, full of unfinished projects and things I had planned on doing. Searching through the garage was a reminder of the shortcomings this brain injury has caused.

As I looked I saw this black plastic box and wondered “What is that?”. So I dug it out from under the pile of stuff on top and opened it. “Wow!” I exclaimed as I saw it was a brand new never used electric impact wrench. Here’s the deal, I don’t remember ever buying it, don’t have a clue when I could have, and despite seeing it still can’t remember. It could have been sitting there three or four years. I found a box of tools that was new to me but at least I think I know where it came from, the old red diesel service truck I had. It is a little depressing to be faced with these reminders that I still have the results of that brain injury to overcome.

I’m tired tonight. Usually I get out and work on the farm when I come home from working for Jim but not this time. The pain pills only dampen the pain and being reminded of my disability sure curbed my enthusiasm. So I decided to just crawl in the bed and write this. Having a hard time staying awake so I’ll probably sleep good tonight. That little rant about the darkness I wrote this morning shortly after waking up. Part of that is the fact that I am getting so tired of the hypocrisy I see everywhere. Hope I don’t offend any of you. All I desire is for those who believe in God to get real about it, and understand that we all will answer to God. Nuff said. Good night folks.

What does it cost you?

4/3/12 Tuesday
It’s been a busy month and now we are already into April. I’ve been working for Jim in Odessa for going on 7 weeks now. He came to me and said “I need some help making this truck”. We needed to earn some money and I am always eager to help a brother out so agreed to work for him. “How much do you want me to pay you?” Jim asked. I told him he could pay me whatever he felt was right. I did remind him that it was a 90 mile round trip to his shop and with my diesel truck only getting 14 miles to the gallon it cost me $25 each day I came to work. So I’ve been a welder, machinist, and painter for Jim, enduring great pain but not saying a word about it, other than requesting a lunch break so I can take my pain medication and get a half hour of rest.

Meantime I am way behind on so many other things. I requested Friday’s off so I can keep helping the widows we serve and take care of things on the farm. It turns out that I have not been able to keep up on those things so helping a brother has come with great sacrifice that wasn’t foreseen. As of this moment I have yet to get a single thing planted, with the exception of the strawberry plants we ordered. The nice tiller someone blessed us with is down. I think it burned a valve or something. Not surprising considering how much work it has done since we got it, I think three years ago.

I get out with the sun every morning to work on the farm. Lately my focus has been on getting the drip irrigation installed where we hope to plant melons. I used the old cultivator we picked up from Mary on the area I hope to have corn planted. It was the first time I had ever used one and in the process destroyed some of the drip irrigation lines that were buried there. I need to buy some new blades for it so will pray we find funds to do that. I had wanted the corn to be planted by now. With the tiller out of commission getting areas ready to plant will be harder. We should have tomatoes and peppers in by now but the funds for that haven’t appeared yet. All the money I make working for Jim go to pay bills and necessary items and there is none left over. There are some medical and dental needs we are asking God to help us cover as well.

The RV park project isn’t moving along very well. Part of the problem is my inability to remember and follow through on things. This frustrates me to no end. I suspect that many people think I am lazy or don’t care because I don’t get things done, choosing to not understand the struggles I have with this brain injury. The concept that I must be reminded of things like a little child is hard for many to grasp when they can see that I am fairly intelligent. I did finally get prices on septic systems and what it will take to get electricity run to the area. Finding a good source for Caliche hasn’t been done. My plan is to rent a back hoe to dig the septic system and a trencher for plumbing and underground electricity. I really don’t know if there are any backhoes available for rent.

We spent a great part of the weekend mowing lawns and weeds for the two sweet little old ladies we help, with Cherie visiting with them while I worked. I think the visiting is more appreciated than the work for in this day and age people seem to have little time to spend with others on a personal level. There are some who would suggest I should spend less time helping others out when my farm is being neglected. They don’t understand the priorities I maintain. I serve God by helping others. Jesus said we are to “Love our neighbor as we love ourselves” and true love is the one that comes with some sacrifice. The parable He told of the rich religious leader giving a chunk of money with lots of pomp and public display, versus the widow who only gave pennies, illustrates this well. He didn’t suffer at all from what he gave, didn’t cost him much for it was excess for him, but she gave all she had and it could well have cost her a meal or two. God looks at the degree of sacrifice involved with what we do. We know some who are happy to give their leftovers, what they were going to throw away anyway, and that is not wrong at all. But what does it cost you? There is the truth of the matter.

I have to leave for work soon. When I get home from working for Jim I generally sit down till the pain subsides, eat the dinner my lovely wife prepares, and then go work on the farm till it gets too dark to see.

Think

WHERE ARE THE OBAMA
GIRLFRIENDS?

Think about this

and see if there's anything here you don't believe!

I hadn't thought about
this - but where are Obama's past girlfriends, surely he had at least one? No
past girlfriends popping up anywhere? Strange, strange to the point of being
downright weird!

OK, this is just plain
old common sense, no political agendas for either side. Just common knowledge
for citizens of a country, especially American citizens, who know every little
tidbit about every other president (and their wives) that even know that Andrew
Jackson's wife smoked a corn cob pipe and was accused of adultery, or that
Lincoln never went to school or Kennedy wore a back brace, or Truman played the
piano.

We are Americans! Our
media vets these things out! We are known for our humanitarian interests and
caring for our fellow man.' We care, but none of us know one single humanizing
fact about the history of our own president.

Honestly, and this is a
personal thing... but it's bugged me for years that no one who ever dated him
ever showed up. Taken his charisma, which caused the women to be drawn to him
so obviously during his campaign, looks like some lady would not have missed
the opportunity.

We all know about JFK's
magnetism, McCain was no monk, Palin's courtship and even her athletic prowess
were probed. Biden's aneurisms are no secret. Look at Cheney and Clinton, we
all know about their heart problems. How could I have left out Wild Bill before
or during the White House?

Nope... not one lady has
stepped up and said, "He was soooo shy," or "What a great
dancer!" Now look at the rest of what we know... no classmates, not even
the recorder for the Columbia class notes ever heard of him.

Who was the best man at
his wedding? Start there. Check for groomsmen. Then get the footage of the
graduation ceremony.

Has anyone talked to the
professors? Isn't it odd that no one is bragging that they knew him or taught
him or lived with him.

When did he meet Michele
and how? Are there photos? Every president provides the public with all their
photos, etc. for their library. What has he released? Nada – other than what
was in this so-called biography! And experts who study writing styles etc.
claim it was not O's own words or typical of his speech patterns, etc.

Does this make any of
you wonder?

Ever wonder why no one
ever came forward from Obama's past, saying they knew him, attended school with
him, was his friend, etc.? Not one person has ever come forward from his past.

This should really be a
cause for great concern. Did you see the movie titled, The Manchurian
Candidate?

Let's face it. As
insignificant as we all are... someone whom we went to school with remembers
our name or face... someone remembers we were the clown or the dork or the
brain or the quiet one or the bully or something about us.

George Stephanopoulos,
ABC News said the same thing during the 2008 campaign. Even George questions
why no one has acknowledged that the president was in their classroom or ate in
the same cafeteria or made impromptu speeches on campus. Stephanopoulos was a
classmate of Obama at Columbia , class of 1984. He says he never had a single
class with him. Since he is such a great orator, why doesn't anyone in Obama's
college class remember him? And, why won't he allow Columbia to release his
records? Do you like millions of others, simply assume all this is explainable
- even though no one can?

NOBODY REMEMBERS OBAMA
AT COLUMBIA

Looking for evidence of
Obama's past, Fox News contacted 400 Columbia University students from the
period when Obama claims to have been there, but not one remembers him. For
example, Wayne Allyn Root was (like Obama) a political science major at
Columbia , who graduated in 1983. In 2008, Root says of Obama, "I don't
know a single person at Columbia that knew him, and they all know me. I don't
have a single classmate who ever knew Barack Obama at Columbia ... EVER!

Nobody recalls him.

Root adds that he was,
"Class of '83 political science, pre-law" and says, "You don't
get more exact or closer than that.. Never met him in my life, don't know
anyone who ever met him."

At our 20th class
reunion five years ago, who was asked to be the speaker of the class? Me. No
one ever heard of Barack! And five years ago, nobody even knew who he was. The
guy who writes the class notes, who's kind of the, as we say in New York , 'the
macha' who knows everybody, has yet to find a person, a human who ever met
him."

Obama's photograph does
not appear in the school's yearbook, and Obama consistently declines requests
to talk about his years at Columbia , provide school records, or provide the
name of any former classmates or friends while at Columbia . How can this be?

NOTE: Wayne Allyn Root
can easily be verified. He graduated valedictorian from his high school,
Thornton- Donovan School , then graduated from Columbia University in 1983 as a
Political Science major in the same '83 class in which Barack Hussein Obama
states he was.

Some other interesting
questions.

Why was Obama's law
license inactivated in 2002?

Why was Michelle's law
license inactivated by court order?

According to the U.S.
Census, there is only one Barack Obama - but 27 Social Security numbers and
over 80 aliases..

WHAT!?

The Social Security
number he uses now originated in Connecticut where he is never reported to have
lived. No wonder all his records are sealed!

Please continue sending
this out to everyone. Somewhere, someone had to know him in school... before he
"reorganized" Chicago and burst upon the scene at the 2004 Democratic
Convention and made us swoon with his charm, poise, and speaking pizzazz.

One of the biggest CONS
this country has ever seen, and getting away with it. This is scary on many
levels! He's the most dishonest deceiving liar to ever darken the White
House!!!

If life was easy...

3/9/12 Friday
If life was easy it would be boring. It is the hard times, the difficulties that make us strong and resilient. Of course there are times we wish it wasn’t quite as hard and sure could use a break, a little vacation from difficulties so to speak. But such is life, always full of surprises and challenges. I see it has once again been a while since I wrote in this blog so there is lots of catching up to do.

Just had a call from my friend, Ricardo. We talked a bit about church and things. He apologized for not contacting me despite my sending text messages to keep in touch. I expressed that my concern was he had been told something by the gossips, who had been an integral part of us being kicked out of the church, that had caused him to withdraw from us. He assured me that this was not the case and said that the fact is no one at that church says a word about me, and that the church seems to be full of secrets no one talks about. How sad it makes me to hear this, and I understand how it must grieve God’s heart too. Jesus said that the world would know we were His followers by our love. That is love for each other and love for all those who do not know God. So what happens that would cause a church, a group of people, to grow so cold and uncaring, meantime so proud of their “spirituality”? I will quote Jesus as found in Mathew 13 "Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand. 14 In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah: " 'You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving. 15 For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.'

There is a slow progressive falling away that happens when you purposely harden your heart to what you know God wants you to do. Sometimes it is not so slow but often it happens at such a gradual rate that it is unnoticed by the person. Kind of like the story about boiling a frog. If you turn the heat up slowly the frog’s body gets used to the heat and it is unaware of the danger it is in, until it is too late. In the quote from Isaiah Jesus made we see that the hearts have become calloused. That happens over time as you work. My wife has once again picked up her guitar and the process of building up callouses on her finger tips is a slow and sometimes painful one. A heart becomes calloused in the same way, a little more with each compromise. These people “Hardly hear” with their ears because they only listen to what they want to hear. And notice that they purposely “Close their eyes”, a conscious act of their will to refuse to see what is before them. Stubbornly stiffening their necks, apparently not caring or acknowledging that they are in open rebellion to God. I pray for them still, every day.

Meantime, back on the farm things are moving along. I ordered strawberry plants and finally got them all planted. There are two kinds so I planted them in different parts of the farm. The ones out farthest already got hit by critters, I assume rabbits, so I made cages for them. I think I may need to make hundreds of these little cages for future plantings for the rabbits did incredible damage last year, forcing me to replant hundreds of cantaloupe several times. They aren’t hard to make, just time consuming.

Here you can see some of what I helped build. Doesn't look like much but when done it will easily manipulate 44,000 pound spools of wire.


I’ve been working in Odessa, helping one of my Kairos brothers build a custom truck for the oil field. It pays decent but sure is hard on my body. I am dealing with lots of heavy steel but the hard part isn’t the weight as much as it is working at countertop level. Lifting comes with a price but for me washing dishes creates lots of pain from having to bend over just slightly. I am grateful for the pain medication for sure. The work is really enjoyable as it involves lots of creativity. Jim has built several of these trucks before so he knows what they will look like, but for me right now it is just lots of little (and some not so little) parts cut so size and welded together so it is fascinating to see how it is slowly coming together.

It is a 90 mile round trip for me to go to Jim’s shop and Tuesday, as I drove to work, something blew on the truck. I drove the last 20 miles slowly on the shoulder of the interstate with my flashers on as the diesel popped and shook. It is parked at Jim’s place still. We pulled the valve cover that is on the side of the V-8 diesel that is easy to get to, hoping that this was the side the problem was on as getting to the other side requires pulling the turbo charger and intake manifold. We got lucky. There are two shafts that the rocker arms rotate on and one of them had broken, bending a pushrod and thus preventing the valve from opening. I ordered the parts for around eighty bucks and should be able to easily install them when they arrive next Tuesday. What a relief because if there was a bad valve or perhaps one broke inside the engine, it would require pulling the head and all kinds of expensive work we don’t have money for.

This morning we woke up to no water. The well pump has been going downhill for some time now, getting weaker and producing all kinds of shredded pvc plastic that has plugged up all our faucets, shower head, and everything else. I walked the half mile to the well and confirmed it no longer worked. Nuts. Called the guy who put it in and he didn’t seem anxious to work on it, giving us the number of someone else. Called him and he said he was booked up for a day or three. Called a third company, that I was referred to for another project we are working on, that will require a well to be drilled, and he will send a crew out as soon as they get done with the job they were on. Fortunately I have some barrels with rain water in them so we can use buckets to flush the toilet with. But till it gets fixed there is no bathwater, dishwater, or anything else.

Fortunately we had some light rain so the strawberries are watered. It is cold as all get out here, with 40 to 60 mph wind gusts blowing the cold right through the house. I am out of firewood but had some old oak pallets stacked in the back I am cutting up and burning for some heat. Still we are wearing our coats inside the house. There are some who delight in any hardship we endure. The religious ones probably see this as some kind of justification for their actions, saying “See, God is punishing them”. I see hardship as opportunity for God to show His providence, how He provides for those He loves. Hardships also teach us to depend on God, to practice our faith.

So today I am stuck at home. We are down to one vehicle and Cherie drove that to her job. I would have gone with her and driven the truck back but it is getting a new master brake cylinder put on. Thought the brakes just needed bleeding but guess we weren’t going to be that lucky.

I can do some research on that other project while stuck here and perhaps make some more plant cages. It’s pretty cold but I have a good coat. There are some areas to prepare for planting and plenty to do around the farm. With me working in Odessa there has been little time left to prepare for this year’s growing season and there is lots of preparing to do. But bills have to be paid and Jim asked me to help him just when we needed the funds. I see this too as the hand of God, providing just what we need when we need it.

Kairos prison ministry is gearing up for another 4 day event at the Fort Stockton prison as well as one at the prison in Lamesa. Doing two of these events together is quite taxing on both our time and resources. As always my heart goes out to those in need. We are surrounded by all sorts of needs, and I desperately want to help all we come in contact with, but am unable to. We know people who are wealthy and successful, yet so unfulfilled in life. We know those who are on the opposite side of the spectrum, who live on the “other side of the tracks” and not considered “acceptable” by some, who deem themselves better than others. All of them have the same basic need, and that is to know God, to truly believe in Him and submit their will to His. Rich and poor are all in the same boat, with the same answer available to them. God so loves the world, all of us, that He gave His only Son, so all who believe and turn away from what they know is wrong are forgiven totally. It’s a lifestyle change and brings with it a new life. All the old stuff passes away and all things become new.

We are what we pretend to be

2/20/12 Monday
It’s getting busy here now. Start working for a friend building oil field trucks today. That will last 3 months or so. On top of that we have been approved for the new business where we will secure and clean up foreclosed homes in a 5 county area and will start that in earnest soon. Things are still in process for the home energy analysis business in addition to building an RV park. I am wondering if we are biting off more than we can chew with all this. Things struggled along for so long and now it suddenly seems to open up. I’m still working on the model AA Ford truck and there is lots of work to do for the two widows we help. Plus we are in training for two Kairos Prison Ministry events coming up in April. Last, but perhaps most important, is this burden on my heart to start a bible study in Stanton that will reach out to all those who are less accepted in the area.

I reached out to the pastor who seems to think so poorly of me again, sent her an email expressing our love and concern for her and those she leads. Here is her response “Bob I quit reading your messages,a long time ago, because they are all alike. They point judgment at all other people. You are supper spiritual and perfect. So you might not want to waste your time writing. We are not the only ones who have released you to find a place you liked better . Because you complained about all of us all the time. I hope you have found a church that you are not condemning constantly.”

How sad this makes me to read. I’m sad and feel bad for her and the apparent blindness she has to herself. She first says I “Point judgment at ALL other people” and in the next sentence proceeds to judge who I am, calling me “supper spiritual” (I’m sure she meant super, not supper) and “perfect”. The fact is I reached out for over a year just to sit down and talk, which she refused and avoided, so she hasn’t even taken the time to know who I am. But this statement from her reveals the opinion she has developed and confirms the gossip she promotes to justify her actions. Somehow, being spiritual is a bad thing and being perfect is a horrible goal to try for. The poison of jealousy and envy have eaten deep into Jannie’s soul and she continues to harden her heart against doing what Jesus so clearly instructed. Here is the email I sent to her that garnered this response.

Dear Jannie, God continues to place you on my heart and I must obey Him for the scriptures clearly say that if someone knows what is right to do and does not do it, he sins. So I will continue to reach out along with daily praying for you and Hosanna. Hebrews 12:14 says Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. 15 See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

You accused me of using the scriptures to manipulate you and others. I simply try my best to live by what the scriptures say, for to do otherwise makes me a hypocrite. Whatever my motive in quoting the Word of God may be, it doesn't change the truth of His Word. Jesus said to judge by the fruits and the fruit of what happened at Hosanna was division. Jesus prayed for unity before He surrendered to be killed, so that we can be free from sin. It is Love that is the mark of a true Christian and the church. The devil steals, kills, and causes division, Christ brings love and unity.

I saw you at the post office the other day. I waited patiently so that I could say "Hi" and show Christ's love. It was with great sadness I watched you work to avoid any contact and ducked out the front door with your eyes to the ground so as to not even look at me. Do you even understand how this must break Jesus' heart?

Do you not realize why your prayers no longer have the power they once did? God sent me to serve you and to help you see. Pride blinds us all when we allow it to have a place in our life. Jealousy and envy are cancers of the spirit that cause much harm to the body of Christ. Gossip is an evil God hates for He knows how it spreads poison.

Jesus was clear many times when He instructed us to talk to each other, to expose what is done in darkness, to reconcile and forgive, and mostly to Love God and Love our neighbor as ourselves. Are you being honest with yourself in this? Do you really believe that what you did and allowed was pleasing to our Lord? I will continue to reach out to you, to try to restore and bring about that unity and love Christ desires.

The one thing you said, as I was being shuffled out the door of the church, was "What about Linda?". I have wondered about that ever since. Of course I don't read minds and you have failed to talk to me about anything so I am at a loss about this. Linda was a sister in Christ whom Cherie and I both helped many times. She was friendly and fine until the day I had a word from the Lord for her. That word was that Satan was at the door and there was sin that would give him opportunity to come in. I now know this word was true and in fact had already come to pass. Linda's reaction was almost violent and from that time forward she cut off all communication. The only other time we talked was when I asked for her forgiveness. Her reaction to that was equally unpleasant. From that point forward we have not said one word to each other. So, what about Linda?

Jannie, you are the shepherd of God's sheep at Hosanna and thus will be held accountable for what you do and what you lead them to do. I fear for you and wonder if you truly understand that God holds you to a higher standard because of this. You know what is right to do, what God desires. I am always here, ready and hoping for resolution and restoration, for God to be exalted in our hearts as we surrender our will to His. Again my number is XXX-XXX-XXXX and you know my email address.

I went to a funeral this weekend. It was the brother of some old friends, who suddenly turned on us, going from “We love you guys” to “You are not our friends anymore” when we refused to sign over the control of our mineral rights to them. They also wear the big holy Christian label, when it is convenient. I reach out to them too, sending emails on occasion to show Christ’s love despite how they treated us. It is sad to watch such blatant hypocrisy, to see the look on their face as they avoid contact, but I continue to pray for them, to hope for the best. The problem is it is hard to change when you don’t, or won’t, recognize you did anything wrong. There is the pride, the hardened heart, and the stiffened neck, that refuse to bend or acknowledge the truth. These are the things that lead to death. It’s nothing new.

I am acutely aware of my shortcomings and examine myself daily, for I know that I will stand before God, who sees the heart and sees right through the fake front we put up, the show for others. I suspect that in trying to fool others we often deceive ourselves into thinking we are what we pretend to be. God said that what can be shaken will, that all our works will be tried with fire and when that happens only that which is true will survive. I remind myself of that, and I refuse to not be afraid, for the fear of the Lord is what keeps me on the right path. Jannie may have hurled the accusation that I am “Super spiritual and perfect” at me, thinking perhaps this would hurt or revealing her opinion of who I think I am, but I know I am a worm, not worthy of any of the many blessings I have. Jesus told of the rich Pharisee, the religious leader whom everyone looked up to, and the tax collector, who understood who he was. This is found in Luke 18.

To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: 10 "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men--robbers, evildoers, adulterers--or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' 13 "But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' 14 "I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

Here is a core principle of our faith. The last shall be first and the first last. The greatest the least and the least will be lifted up. Jesus, the son of God, washed His disciples feet, saying this is how we should act towards others, as servants. How is it that this integral key to life is so seldom a part of our life? Why do we not hear this message often preached? Because it’s not comfortable and requires sacrifice. Sacrifice is that missing ingredient. We so often are happy to be Christians, as long as it doesn’t cost us or isn’t inconvenient. But Jesus was clear, He said we should count the cost before we even start, He said we need to die in order to live, to surrender it all.

Gotta go to work folks, bye

Life gets in the way

...2/13/12 Monday
The weeks seem to fly by. Hard to believe it’s already Monday. We had moisture yesterday. It came in the form of some snow, and then sleet. I’ll be scraping ice off Cherie’s truck this morning. It was pretty cold the last two days and I had to go get some more firewood as we already burned what I had gathered for the winter. The latest person God has found for us to help needs wood cleaned and cut from her now dead pecan orchard, just another example of how our needs are met, through helping others.

Today I plan to work on that 1929 Ford truck. The starter is fried so it got sent out for a replacement. I was blessed with a trailer to use for cleaning up the land of that person we are helping. There is lots of work to do there and some of it involves heavy lifting I am not capable of. A way will be provided, of that I am sure. She has some old vehicles out there that need to disappear. I looked carefully at them, hoping they would be worth working on but I don’t have the time or money to do so. The insides of all vehicles are trashed, from Texas heat and sun to rats, the damage is done.

This Ford Falcon is in great shape as far as the body is concerned. I think it’s a 1961 model. She doesn’t know where keys or titles are for any of these are, but they can be acquired. Most of the tires are flat so moving them will be a definite contest. The trailer I have isn’t heavy enough to haul a car or truck. Even if it was I don’t have the means to drag them up on it. Too bad I had to sell our other trailer cause it could haul a back hoe. Perhaps the person I sold it to would let me borrow it. I don’t know. If anyone reading this has an interest in any of these vehicles please let me know. They were all running when parked. The Falcon belonged to the widows mother. She had bought it new so it’s a one owner classic.

The RV they had bought with dreams of traveling, but they only used it once. He worked through his retirement, got sick, and eventually died. Unfortunately there is a leak in the roof and as a result a lot of water damage inside. The cabinets are made with particle board and that doesn’t do well with moisture. It’s sad to see this damage but such is often the way of things. Life gets in the way of plans made and dreams hoped for.

One of the seniors we help told me that she wanted to die a pauper. At first such a statement is a shocker but when she explained this more it made sense. We have all seen the problems that rise up upon someone’s death. All too often there is a seemingly sudden rise of greed and avarice, all kinds of fights, bitterness, and anger appear, causing division and broken relationships that sometimes are never resolved. To disperse the inheritance prior to death often will prevent such things from happening. On the other hand we have seen those who hang on to their possessions till the bitter end, fighting to keep what they have acquired over a lifetime, seemingly unaware that they can’t take it with them when they die. I greatly understand the fondness for those items that have strong emotional memories tied to them, mementos of good times gone and have a few keepsakes of my own. But if something has outlived it’s usefulness, no longer contributes to daily needs, and doesn’t have strong value as a memento, I would rather find someone in need to bless with it. I came into this world naked and when I leave the only thing that matters is what pleases God, the lives I touched while here on earth. Not only is it better to give than to receive but in giving there is great blessing for we share life and the goodness we have, thus expanding the good.

Had an interesting experience last week. Went to the post office to get mail and pulled up to the glass doors and wall in front. Before I got out I saw the pastor of the church that had escorted me out, saying “Don’t come back”, inside. She looked out at my truck and scurried into the post office’s counter area. Curious to see what she would do I sat there in my truck waiting, and watching her. She waited too and then finally came out of the office area, walked quickly past the doors to the other side, where she was out of sight. I debated walking in to get the mail but decided to allow her to avoid having to face me so stayed seated in my truck. It was quite a wait. Finally she figured out I was going nowhere so she rushed out the door, studiously looking at the ground so there would be no eye contact with me. How sad this is. Here is a leader in the church, a person who is bound by God to show love to all, that is running and hiding from the fruit of her actions. “Is she ashamed?” I wonder, “or perhaps embarrassed?”. I really don’t know and have a hard time understanding this level of hypocrisy. But it makes me sad to see and I can only imagine what God feels.

I have decided to go to Mary’s and work on cleaning her property instead of working on the old truck. The trailer I have is on loan and thus I feel a responsibility to make use of it as quick as I can for he may need to use it for his tree business. Plus there is so much to do there it will keep me busy for a while. Enough time writing, got to get moving.

And we are off, the start of another week

2/6/12 Monday
Monday, the start of another week. What shall I talk about? There is so much on my mind and so many things coming to fruition. Unfortunately some of the wonderful things God is putting together I won’t talk about till they happen, for there are those who would rather see us fail than succeed. This we have seen many times so have learned to keep things close to the vest, so to speak. But it is exciting to see things coming together. On the other hand we also see an increase in things that must be overcome. There are times when circumstances seem overwhelming and with that comes the battle with frustration and depression.

I remind myself daily of the scripture that says “If God be for us, who can be against us”. We still need to find a church home and there is a loneliness that comes from living in a remote location and finding it so hard to develop relationships locally. The rejection of the church people we reached out to here in Stanton still has a sting, but mostly it brings a great sadness in me. Sadness that those who publicly profess the love of Jesus in reality show none, except for those they know and like. Sadness because I know God and His word, and that there is a judgment regarding how we treat others. How I would love to reach out and talk with them, to have a conversation face to face where everything is out in the open and in the light, instead of gossip behind closed doors and hidden. It’s real simple folks, that which cause division is not from God but that which brings unity and peace is His will.

We were blessed with another person to help. Unfortunately she fell last week and broke her foot and clavicle so I plan on building rails she can hold on to as she walks out to her car. Her husband had been a farmer and she asked if I could clean up the tons of stuff laying around and take it to a scrapyard. Much of it happens to be farm equipment such as discs and livestock feeders that I need for our future hopes and plans for the farm. This is a double blessing, we can minister to and assist an elderly person and we also are provided with equipment I can’t afford to purchase. It’s old and half buried in the sand but I’m confident I can make most of it workable. The only obstacle now is I need a trailer to haul this stuff away and I am not physically strong enough to lift much of it so we will pray that God provide the means for me to do this.

We have formed and registered a company, called Westbrook Management. Under this umbrella we expect to operate several enterprises. Funding for one of them has been made available and we are working with the state of Texas on funding for another one. The third requires I find some equipment, such as a mobile air compressor and a trailer to haul lawn and maintenance equipment to job sites. It is exciting and a little scary right now. I still have great difficulty following through on tasks and the short term memory loss is a constant problem. As I write this I just remembered something I was asked to do for the State, that I had totally forgotten about and had neglected to inform Cherie. Typical in my life. I called Cherie and let her know. There is no question I depend on her a lot to keep me on track.

It’s already 12:40 and I haven’t gotten much done. I did take Trixie to the vet this morning. She has been whimpering a little and not as active as normal so we were concerned. Plus the dogs had gotten into the garbage on several occasions and one time got ahold of chicken bones, a potentially dangerous thing health wise. She has a slight pancreatic infection so the vet gave her a shot and some antibiotics.

I need to make a list of things that need to get done. There is a letter that needs to get written to a friend in Ohio, who’s phone has been disconnected. There is wood to cut for a person we are helping out. And lots more that I don’t need to put on this blog but keeping lists is important to help me remember what to do.

I think I will go cut wood and do some work at the house of the woman who fell and broke her foot and shoulder. That way I can check and make sure she is ok. So gotta get going